Making major decisions for your child is one of a parent's most important responsibilities. After a breakup, separation or divorce, that responsibility gets more complicated.
Like most issues involving children, there is no "one size fits all" solution, writes Tiffany Byrd of Modern Legal, a family law firm. Courts have several ways to address decision-making, and the right structure depends on a family's own dynamics. Here are the main options as she lays them out.
Joint legal custody
The most common arrangement is for the court to award joint legal custody. Both parents share responsibility for major decisions about the child's education, medical care, extracurricular activities and overall welfare, and they must reach mutual agreement before moving forward on those issues.
Joint custody with a designated final decision-maker
Sometimes the court awards joint legal custody but lets one parent act as the "tie-breaker" when the parents cannot agree. That authority may cover all major decisions, or the court may split it by subject: one parent has the final say on medical issues, for example, and the other on education.
Sole legal custody
In rare situations the court awards one parent sole legal custody, the exclusive right to make major decisions without consulting the other. Because courts typically want both parents involved in a child's life, sole legal custody is usually reserved for extreme or special circumstances, such as safety concerns or a history of uncooperative behavior.
Writing your own arrangement
The court strongly encourages co-parents to work out a solution they feel fits their family. If both parents agree on a different decision-making arrangement, they can put it in writing and submit it to a judge for approval. Once it is formalized as a consent order, a court order both sides have agreed to, it guides how decisions are made from then on. Parents who cannot reach an agreement on their own will have legal custody decided by the court.
Next steps
Byrd's advice is to sit down with a family law attorney to discuss what you believe is best for your situation. The Modern Legal team, she writes, is there to guide parents through the process and find a solution that protects the child's best interests while supporting the parent's role. Mediation services are at ModernLegalMediation.com.
She notes that the material is based on North Carolina and South Carolina law, where her practice is based; readers elsewhere should consult an attorney about the laws in their own state.
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This story appears in the August 2026 issue of Stroll Quail Hollow.